There comes a time when all seems lost, a time when nothing seems to be working in our favour, a time when you feel like giving up but you know you have to move on and prove to others that you too can make it, a time when no one seems to trust our abilities anymore in whatever we do. Yes ,there is always that time for everyone.
No one ever has a smooth sailing. No one ever has it easy for them. It takes a lot of courage for things to work out and be able to say all is fine. To emerge victorious ,at times we need discouragements to keep us going.
Failure isn’t the end of all. It is success that is delayed. There are fellows who are out to destroy us ,out to see us fall but we should never be discouraged. We should see each opportunity we have as one to grow ,one to build ourselves to be better daily .
Nothing happens in a flash. Not even Rome was built in a day. The circumstances we face today don’t shape us. We can overcome and rise above them
I remember the days when I was younger and didn’t care much about anything. Those days when I would ask for this and this from anyone close to me and expect to get it . The days I would make a fuss if I didn’t get what I wanted. The days I didn’t understand why I couldn’t get something instantly upon demand. I was always told to wait since money was tight.
When I first left home for boarding school,I was told to be very careful of how I spent cash. When I joined campus, nothing changed. It’s in campus that I realized that everything costs money. You want to get to town,you need fare . If not, walk. You need cash to photocopy notes,to eat, to pay rent,you need new clothing,you need to change your hairstyle,you are tired of having the same chapo beans so you want to try something else. The list here is endless and every thing costs a penny here.
You can’t call home because you were told the upkeep cash you were given should last you for a month and it’s just two weeks into the month. You already have debts you need to pay and so, you’re so afraid of borrowing more. You consider doing part time jobs but even those only need your services on an irregular basis and the pay isn’t much. You vow to be more careful with cash the next time you’re handling any. You begin to realize how hard it is to come by money.
I suppose we’ve all been in such situations. Situations where we’ve harshly judged someone for doing this or that. Situations where we blame someone for doing something which according to us, is not worthy. Maybe, we’ve brushed aside what someone else feels claiming it’s not important or they could have done better. Maybe, we’ve gotten so angry with people for being unable to fulfil the promises they made to us. So angry that we don’t want any explanation whatsoever for why things are the way they are. Situations where we don’t understand why we are given something similar to what we wanted but not the exact thing. Name them…
Many years have passed and have been thinking of how selfish I was at times. Of why I chose not to understand instead of understanding. Of why I chose to judge instead of listening without judging.
We can learn to not judge people for the choices they make because maybe,we will never know how much they struggled to come to such decisions. Two people can face the same misfortune but each will have a different perception to the whole thing. We will never understand some things unless we personally experience them. Let’s learn to be kind. Let’s learn to judge less. Let’s learn to understand more.
Feel free to leave your comments in the comment section. Click here to read more posts.
Let’s talk about manipulators. You know who they are? Well, these are people who are so skilled in influencing others or situations so as to get what they themselves want.
Almost everyone has met a person they would refer to as a manipulator. Those who are so skilled at letting you do something that will not benefit you but them. The ones who kind of control you and yet you don’t even realize what they are doing to you.People who will make you crumble despite the fact that you know yourself better than anyone will ever know you.Maybe, we are the manipulators.
Am reading the story of an estranged wife who framed her husband for defilement. She got a young lady, hired her and coached her testify against the husband. To complete the picture if sexual abuse, the minor testified in court and presented used condoms and a copy of the man’s ID as exhibits gotten from the crime scene. As if that isn’t enough, they slaughtered a chicken and smeared blood on the minor’s private parts to cheat people that indeed she was molested. The woman was doing all because she was embattled in a divorce case with the husband.
How often are we manipulated? How often do we ourselves manipulate others? At times, it’s in the simplest of things we do like putting down someone so that you get the opportunity to replace them. Or making people feel bad for feeling bad yourself. That friend of yours is telling you how bad something has hurt them and you tell them it could be worse. Or you shift to narrating your own experience, without listening to whatever you were being told. Or being the one victim in all the stories you tell. Or you being that one person who thinks everything someone does is always a statement to you. Or you never being wrong while everyone else is. Manipulators will want a full product from themselves and yet give themselves time to evolve( if you do this to them, it’s wrong but it’s never wrong when they are the ones who do it).
Manipulation hurts. And it’s so very wrong to always play the victim even when you know deep down that you’re the one on the wrong. The universe doesn’t always revolve around one person. You can’t be that selfish that you go to extreme ways in order to get what you want even if it means killing someone.
Relationships are a fundamental thing in human existence. I feel we should be learn to be always considerate of others, to be honest in our actions and above all be kind.
In a world where you can be anything,be kind.
Let’s ask ourselves whether what we are doing is right and necessary. Let’s try to figure out for ourselves whether we would really be happy if those close to us constantly manipulated us . If our answers are no, then we should try to stop manipulating others. I don’t know how though.
Feel free to leave your comments in the comment section.
Hello, hope you are doing well. It’s been a while since I posted but am back.
This writing is inspired by my cousin. I remember , a few days ago she asked me whether I had thought of writing something along this line and I decided why not? Let me give it a try.
If you’re on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, you’ve probably heard or read comments like step on us, we’re your carpets or fry us , we’re your onions. These are mostly written in praise of the posts. These, I suppose are actually ways of telling the other person that their posts are good or rather super good.
I don’t hold anything against those who write such comments. Infact, I very much like the fact that they are able to acknowledge that something is good. Very few people acknowledge the good in others these days. What I would actually like to talk about is the impact of such comments.
Am a strong believer in the power of the tongue and the power of confession. I believe that people always live what they learn. If someone grows up where lies are the order of the day, they’ll most likely be professional liars. If a person grows in an environment of hatred, they will most likely never know the power of love. If a person grows up with low self esteem, it will be very hard for this person to start thinking of oneself as an equal.
I believe that the universe is always listening to what we ask for as a result, we should be careful with whatever we ask for.
I believe that whenever a person keeps on saying such things like step on us,they begin to believe they really are carpets.That they really are people who should be stepped on. That they are people who can’t and will never be able to rise beyond the ground because in actual sense carpets are always meant for the floors and not the roof!!.
Our minds have a way of always doing exactly what we train it to. Like once you have fear for something, it’s less likely to go away unless you decide you no longer want to be afraid of it.
What if, by actually saying such demeaning comments about you being a carpet and actually starting to look down on yourself is what is costing you so much?What if the person you’re telling to step on you actually does so by never missing a chance to put you down no matter how hard you try to rise up. And it’s worse that you gave them the chance yourself! What if,you who is an onion in need of frying actually gets fried and instead of turning to golden brown as you desired, you get burnt instead. You all know what makes cooked food good is good use of spices.
Now imagine you eating food with burnt onions,too much salt and a stew so full of soup that is almost like the quantity of Indian Ocean. Would you enjoy the food?
There surely are better ways of acknowledging that something is good without seeming to demean yourself and inflating the ego of someone else!! Something like this is a good pic isn’t a badcomment.
What do you feel about such comments? Feel free to leave your comments in the comment section.
Hello. Hope you are doing well. If you haven’t read my previous post, click here.
Let’s talk about the signs we ignore in things or people that end up hurting us. I’ll begin with a few narratives.
A story is told of a young boy named Achilles. The gods had prophesied that he would die Young so the mom took her son and dipped him in magical waters. The only part of the body that didn’t touch the waters was the child’s heels where his mother held. The magical water protected Achilles and however hard his enemies tried to kill him ,they could not. This was however until they found out his secret. During the next battle, a spear was aimed at his heels and that was the end of him.
The mythical story of Luanda Magere talks of a man who could not be harmed. Spears and swords aimed at him bounced instead. Despite the number of times his enemies tried attacking him, they lost. The enemies then decided to give him a wife from their tribe who was to find out the secret Magere had. After a long pestering, Magere revealed his secret; that his strength was in his shadow.
During the next battle, the enemies aimed at his shadow hence killed him. It is said ,he turned into a big and huge stone.
This is the Biblical story of Samson. Samson was a Nazarite who wasn’t supposed to shave his hair. Samson was so strong that he could take hold of the city gate,pull it up ,put it on his shoulders and carry them to the hilltop. Samson fell in love with a woman named Delilah who was asked by Philistine kings to find out about Samson’s strength .
Delilah kept asking Samson about his strength and each time Samson lied to her. This went on until Samson got sick and tired of her nagging that he eventually told her the truth that he was a dedicated Nazarite whose hair had never been shaved. Delilah lulled Samson and had his hair cut and later on started tormenting him since she knew he had lost his strength. This time when the Philistines came, they captured Samson and put his eyes out. With the shaving of his hair, the Lord has left him leaving him as vulnerable as everyone else.
What am I learning from these stories.
1. Standing by one’s principles . You shouldn’t be so involved with others that we lose our own sense of ourselves. 2. People’s reasons for commitments are varying. Others will always have ulterior motives for putting their fellows down. 3. We should be watchful for the telltale signs of manipulation in relationships. In all the stories there were people persistently asking for the source of strength of their partners so as to weaken them.
4. Keeping secrets that could destroy you to yourself & God. In Swahili,there is a saying that Kikulacho ki nguoni mwako. 5. Rising again after hurt & betrayal from special ones. I know this is hard but holding onto hurt only hurts us more.
Image source: Instagram
What are some of the things you’ve learned from this? How can we tell when to walk out after seeing the signs of bad times ahead in our relationships? How do we let go of those loved ones or things that are actually toxic to us?
Feel free to leave your comments in the comment section.
Growing up, I always loved dresses. My closet was always full of dresses for such and such an occasion. I had very few of other clothing like trousers. Infact, I rarely ever put on trousers.
When I joined high school, I started thinking of how cute trousers were. I loved that I could where them to anywhere, except church of course , that I started stacking my closet with trousers.
This was however to change.
When I joined campus, I still had the love of trousers. I tried balancing my closets to have clothings of all sorts. The hardest task was stocking my closet for industrial attachment. I needed official clothes to give me the aura and confidence of working in an office.
Mombasa is a hot place. So there is this day when my friends and I were just sitted in school after lectures. Then, from nowhere a girl appeared dressed in nothing but a pair of shorts and a crop top. She was very comfortable and like the other students, was heading to class As usual, the dle students thought of her dressing as a good topic of discussion.
How can she dress almost half naked to class? Doesn’t she care that there are makes in her class? What exactly is she trying to show us? Will she complain if she is raped? Some of what was said can’t be written here.
It’s a good thing the lady didn’t either hear all that was said or she simply chose to ignore them .
Today as am sitted in my room thinking about it, I can’t help but wonder why there was such a commotion. I don’t want to venture into whether or not her dressing was appropriate because that’s not my business. My question is Does a person’s dress code define who they are? Or does it really matter?
Society has from time to time shunned some dressing code. I know of some very old friend who said his parents were skeptical of their daughter in law wearing trousers. They didn’t think of it as good dressing until they went to Mtwapa in Mombasa County.
If you’ve been to the coast you probably know how busy Mtwapa is. There isn’t a difference between day and night there. Commercial sex workers are there in large numbers and I suppose you can guess how they dress.
Seeing those dressing is what changed the mind of these folks. They infact were grateful that at least trousers cover the whole body.
I know you know people who have been shamed for their dressing. People, especially women who wear this when with so and so and that when with so and so. They are doing this to conform to what society has put in place for them.
I feel people should be left to do what they really want. I mean, why should I struggle to fit in a dress and endure a night travel in a bus full of mosquitoes that don’t even understand when they have drained your entire blood system !!! Or you wearing that trousers and being so conscious of how you walk because you aren’t used to pairs of trousers. Or those not wearing off shoulder tops and dresses because they will be asked why they are showing too much skin .
Do you feel a person’s dressing really matters? Leave your comments in the comment section. I would like to know what you think.
A story is told of two crows who lived in a hollow tree. At the bottom of the tree, there lived a big and fierce snake that ate the young birds as soon as they were hatched.
So, one day the mother crow got fed up of losing her young ones and asked the father crow to do something about the snake. The father crow thought and thought and came up with a solution.
The following day when the prince came to the nearby river to swim, the father crow seized his gold anklet and threw it inside the hollow tree where the snake was. When the prince found his anklet missing, he ordered his servants to search everywhere for it.
After a long search, the anklet was found and the big snake as well. The servants killed the snake giving the crows a chance to finally raise their next family in peace.
Another story is told of a man who had an only son. The son stole from his neighbours and was finally arrested. Time flew and soon it was the planting season. The old man could not plough the farm on his own and didn’t have money to hire people as well.
So he wrote to his son in prison telling him about his predicament. The son wrote back saying that the father should not worry . All he had to do was to go to the farm and dig out the money he had stolen. When the police officers read that letter, they set out to go and recover the loot. In doing so, they dug the whole parcel of land the old man owned.
Later on, the son wrote to his father saying now that the land had been dug, he could plant. They had tricked the officers into digging their parcel of land.
Am learning quite a number of things from these stories:
The fact that you’re a newbie at something doesn’t mean you know nothing.
The fact that you are younger than someonedoesn’t mean you can’t help older people.
The fact that you are feeling low doesn’t mean you can’t help out another soul in need.
The fact that you aren’t what others consider wealthy doesn’t mean you can’t do some good at your own level.
The fact that you are locked up has nothing to do with the fact that you can still change your way of doing things.
The fact that you don’t do well in academics doesn’t guarantee you are a failure. One thing I remember from my Psychology classes is that all humans have Defence Mechanisms. One of the mechanisms is Compensation. From the name you can easily tell that it means kind of covering up for something with something different.
You’re weak in academics? So what? You might be good in sports ,music, arts or any other thing. Focus on that which you’re good at.
Don’t feel weak ,don’t feel disillusioned, don’t feel discouraged. As long as you are still alive,your brain and mind are functional. You can always do something . Your skills will make up for your lack of strength.
Feel free to leave your comments in the comment section.
It was love at first sight. Mmmh, at least on his side. I was still skeptical of having any relationship in campus.
I had just joined campus. Weeks later, this guy approached me. He was the typical TDH ( tall, dark and handsome). I suspected he had many girls flocking around him ,girls he could choose at random but here he was. Asking me out to be his girlfriend.
After months of chasing me around, we started our relationship. My very first one. Describing the relationship as superb is an understatement. Infact, it was the envy of most people in campus.
Did I mention that some people referred to him as our Mr. University. This alone should make you know he was quite popular. And so, it goes without saying that quite a big number of people knew about us. I was even nicknamed Miss. University. Life was good. No, life was best. I was thrilled, I was happy and not even once did I regret my decision.
But my relationship was soon to be shaken.
Months into the relationship, things started to change. No late night texts, no nights out, no walking by my side as we strolled around and out of campus trying to show all who cared to see that we were the best of the bestest( am not sure whetger the English there is right) couple and as you might have guessed the pet names stopped. His place was now out of bounds. The few times we talked either in school or through the phone were always tense.
The naive me didn’t know that those were the signs of the beginning of the end. Maybe he’s just stressed, I thought.
My well experienced friends told me not to hold on there. You know that saying that among those you can’t advice are women in love. It’s 💯true. I held on. Infact, I rubbished their advice claiming they were being jealous.
And then the bomb exploded.
Whenever I called, I was told to get straight to the point. ” Don’t waste airtime, economy is hard”. ” Send a message, I can’t talk now. ” I could no longer laugh freely since I would be asked what I was laughing at.
I became a shadow of my former self. Nothing was making sense anymore. I understand now that our personalities were different. I am outgoing and an extrovert while he’s the exact opposite.
Someone one told me that the best relationships are made of people with different personalities. This is because opposites attract.
One candid rule of relationships should be both partners adjusting their behaviour. You can’t be a father who enters the house and your children crawl to their rooms in fear!! Or that mother whose children always fear and are on the lookout for her tantrums. You can’t let your partner slip into depression because you don’t like what she/he likes. You can’t derail the progress of your extrovert child because you feel the progress is pure stupidity.
We should learn to accommodate each other in relationships. I think( I stand to be corrected) that it is easier changing an introvert to a little bit of an extrovert but the opposite is quite impossible to me!!
Let’s refuse to be in those relationships where we are manipulated by our partners to only exist as machines. Even machines need proper care so as to function for a long time.
Feel free to leave your comments in the comment section,like ,share and follow.
I can’t term myself as either introvert or an extrovert. I fit in both worlds pretty well.
I love reading novels a lot. Am currently reading The bookworm Crush by Lisa Brown Roberts . Feel free to contact me via email if you would like the book. My email is email@example.com.
Am not really a perfectionist but I love things well done. I believe if one wants to do something,they should instead of doing shoddy work.
I love cooking, it’s something I developed an interest in ,say, late.
I am a firm believer in serenity.
I love people who express themselves. Something is bothering you, say it. You want this, do it. Don’t live your life conformed to what people expect of you always, chart your own path as well.
I love friends as much as I love family. Human relations are an important part of our existence.
One of my escape routes is writing.
I did media and communication for my undergraduate. It’s through it that I was able to know about blogging 😅😅😅.
I speak at least four languages fluently. Am open to learning more.
I fear heights and darkness.
Questions asked to me and their answers
1. What’s your limit to strive for your goals?
I consider myself strong willed and will always go after that which have set my heart on. My limit however ,is when I have tried until I can’t try anymore.
2. Have you ever belittled someone just for your sake of pleasure?
To be honest, Yes. I cannot claim self righteousness in this. Am human 😅😅😭🤦 and so have done that before when I felt threatened by the person. However, I came to learn that dimming someone else’s light doesn’t make yours brighter.
3. What do you think is the worst thing still prevailing in this world?
I feel that the worst thing prevailing now is racism. Humans are becoming more suspicious of their fellows from different places. Until we all learn to embrace each other despite our differences, the world will not be a safe place.
4. What inspires you to rise and shine everyday?
Knowing that I can always have a new beginning each new day. Plus, God’s mercies are always new every morning.
5. Do you feel like prioritizing between your family time and your goals? If yes, which will you prioritize and why?
This is honestly a tough one to answer. Family is important as much as goals are. I draw a life between my personal, social and professional life and ensure none suffers at the expense of the other.
6. Anything that demotivates you?
Humans love appreciation so whenever I help / reach out to someone and they don’t appreciate and kind of consider it their right, I feel baaaaaaaad.
7. What distracts you from focusing on something and how do you overcome it?
My phone . I just switch it off for a while and try motivating myself to not think of it whatever happens. At times, I ask my sister to keep it for me far away.
8. Life is full of second chances, would you mind giving one to someone?
I don’t mind. If the person is remorseful, why not? However,drawing a line between when to hold on and when to let go is something am still learning.
9. If you could change anything today, what would that be?
Remove locational boundaries across the world.
10. Why is writing important to you?
It’s the avenue through which I express my thoughts and feelings. It’s better off letting out your emotions instead of bottling them.
The three letter word Are you okay is one we rarely use. I don’t know the number of times someone has asked you today whether you are okay or even, the number of times you have checked on someone today.
Am writing this story after reading such an emotional story. The story talks of two friends and is being narrated by one of them . This friend says, he noticed his friend stop smiling, the friend stopped attending fellowship ,he noticed his friend stop being online, he started hearing rumours about the friend and at a point he joined in spreading the rumours . After a while, the lost friend called him but he didn’t pick. The friend texted but he never replied to any of the messages.
After a long time, he received news that the friend had passed away. At the funeral, this guy wasn’t just weeping since he had lost a friend, he was weeping because he had failed the friend. He remembered the number of times the friend had tried reaching out but he ignored . The lost friend was always suffering and feeling alone but the one person he considered a friend chose to ignore him and make baseless assumptions towards him .
Have been thinking about the number of times we have been such friends. The number of times we have chosen to ignore the plights of those close to us. We’ve justified such behavior with words like she’ll be back soon, why should I reach out. At times a friend in need has called us and we ignore saying we’re busy at the moment so we’ll call back later and we never reach out.
Look back and see the friends you have pushed away, ignored or taken for granted. Call up that old friend, care for the one who has gone silent. People are going through so many issues behind those fake smiles and glossy social media posts; And all they need is a true friend.Be a true friend, be a true brother, be a true sister.
And now, I would like to ask you who is reading this,Are you okay?
Feel free to leave your comments in the comment section.
Am writing this with a guilty conscience 🤦. I know I have been quite egocentric at a point in my life.
By ego, am not talking about you feeling good about achieving a long desired goal. Yaay, you need to celebrate your achievements. Be proud of the far you’ve come.
By ego, am talking about never missing to tell anyone who cares to hear what you’ve accomplished so far. Or holding and nursing that grudge even after your apology has been sought( am once again guilty). You know your friend wronged you ,tried to apologise but you ignore it saying their apology is like an insult.
I watched a video by Dhar Mann on YouTube where two friends were meeting after such a long time. One has everything figured out while the other is literally on the floor. The “well off” friend doesn’t give her fellow the chance to talk, infact throughout their meeting,she narrates how she got this and that and that. They part ways after a while and months later, the “rich friend” receives a mail. She reads it and is in tears; all that while she didn’t even ask her friend how she was. The friend died. She had met this friend solely to boast of what she had achieved and felt the friend didn’t know.
I have at one point not forgiven a friend for some wrong doing against me. I justified my actions claiming that second chances are privileges and not rights. Hell, I blocked this friend from my life completely. I didn’t even care that she had publicly apologized yet our misunderstanding was private.
I saw some post recently that broke something in me. Let me share it here.
Have been trying to put myself in the shoes of this guy. Definitely,it will take a long time before he forgives himself. Maybe, he’ll be gulity all his life. I can’t tell. I don’t know how much or less your pride has cost you One thing I know is that am not going his way . Now that you’re reading this, you can as well change your own course. You don’t have to wait and regret at the last minute.
Kill that pride. Kill that hatred. Love more. Forgive more.
Hello. I hope this post finds you well. If you’re feeling weak , this is for you. It’s also my prayer that you get well soonest♥️♥️.
We’ve all been in that situation that made us feel numb. That point in your life where you feel nothing matters anymore. When you’re there trying your hands in almost everything possible but the results are always negative. When you feel like giving up and just not caring anymore. When you feel that your existence has been shaken to the core and that nothing more can make you feel bad.
I don’t know what has ever caused you to feel that. Maybe, it’s that your lost your ride or die. Or you lost your job Maybe the one person you’ve trusted your entire life has betrayed you. Or that young child you’ve so much sacrificed for as a parent has turned rebellious and walked out on you that you resign to fate that if your own child can do that to you, then you can withstand anything anyone else does. Maybe you’ve been in an accident that has left you with scars all over your body . It could be that you’ve become an invalid as a result.
Don’t give up . Infact, rise from where you’ve fallen, dust yourself and continue your journey. No one made it to the top without struggling.
Behind every cloud there is a silver lining.
Magic happens when you do not give up however much you want to. The universe always falls in love with a stubborn heart
I know you probably are thinking that it’s easy to say ‘Rise up’. I came to learn that something is only tough when you haven’t began doing it . If others managed to rise in maybe worse scenarios than yours, why not you? Don’t let that small hope die.
I read somewhere that HOPE actually meansHold on Pain Ends. Your current situation doesn’t define what happens to you in the future.
You can still start afresh each new day. Each new day gives you a chance to start over.
The mercies of God are new every morning.
God can lift you from nothing to something.
1 Samuel 2;8
Impossible is nothing. Prove those who think you can’t get up wrong. Prove to them that falling or tripping doesn’t mean you’ll stay down forever. Think positive because positive thoughts give positive outcomes.
This title isn’t mine . I have taken it from Gabrielle Union’s book ‘We ‘re Going to Need more Wine.
Having said that I will now proceed to what I want to talk about.
I remember this day clearly. Everything about it is patched on my mind. On this day, a female teacher from my school walked into class and said that all females should head to the staffroom. We stood up and walked to the staffroom despite the fact that none of us knew why we were going there.
We were lined up and I remember the teachers saying we should be positioned in such a way that they could clearly see everyone. Then, the questioning begun. We were asked the body oils we used, the relationship between so and so in class and or school. Infact, am getting the essence of all that questioning so many years later. For a moment, I was lost. Then ,one teacher pointed at me. She asked why I was silent,a question which I didn’t respond to.
After the grilling, we were told to be wary of boy girl relationships because we had reached a delicate age. My mum had told me this before. But, the teachers never mentioned anything. I remember we had this topic of Human Body ,where we were meant to learn about reproduction but I didn’t get much from it, maybe because of an attitude towards Science.
I grew up fast physically something I didn’t know was hormonal and when I begun to grow boobs we thought I had a problem and I cried and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. In my class, I was among the few girls in Grade 6 who had ‘grown’. I used to wear a pullover almost throughout the day to hide my boobs😂🤦. I thought maybe if I did that people would not know they were there .
One time during a roll call in class where we were saying our ages, one girl told me that I was not being truthful about my age. The reason she said this is because I had grown boobs unlike the others so there was the misconception that I was older .
Recently,there was a shocking statistics of a very big number of females being pregnant. People blamed it on the closure of schools due to corona virus. Such arguments lead you to wonder how children being in school is related to their being pregnant.I honestly don’t understand how that probability works.
The problem with our society is that they still consider sex topics a taboo. In my school, we had life skills and guidance and counseling sessions and in both we were never taught about our sexualities. I tend to think that this is where our problem is . See, when no one talks freely about this, youths tend to ‘experiment’. This experiment they are doing is what leads to the huge number of teenage pregnancies, increase in cases of sexually transmitted infections and so forth.
If you keenly look at it, maybe it’s the reason people commit suicide over relationships. This is because they aren’t told that it’s okay not to be loved back by whoever you love,these are the signs of a toxic relationship, if you want a relationship,this is how to keep yourself safe from pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections and incase you fall pregnant,this is how you should handle yourself.
I don’t know how many young ladies there think that by talking to some boy they’ll get pregnant or that the opposite gender should be avoided like a plague. Or the ladies who have low self esteem because they have boobs unlike their peers. Or those who get embarrassed in front of their peers for starting their menstrual cycle without their knowledge. Or the ladies who in experimenting with relationships fall pregnant and are trying to secure an abortion because they didn’t know how to protect themselves.
It’s time we took reproductive health issues a little bit seriously. An article by Barrack Muluka that I read a while ago says that while you are sitted there relaxed as a parent,maybe your son has impregnated two ladies or your innocent looking daughter has undergone two abortions .
People die because of lack of knowledge.
It’s better preventing some of these extreme cases than waiting to rectify them once they’ve happened. And concerning my story, please don’t judge 😂😂 . Plus, it’s mine, if you feel yours is better tell it .
Ever had that one thing that bothers you,bothers your life, bothers your peace, blocks you from moving forward to a life you truly deserve. Yes, that exact thing you thought of just now. I had it to.
That thing caused me to sink deep into sin. It was very toxic. I knew it was but somehow I kept giving into it. I was selfish. I was proud. I was angry. I was lonely. Perhaps it made me feel better but in the long run it did more harm than good. Funny thing is I saw it coming.
It became repetitive. I would promise myself to stop. But it’s so hard to stop what you are used to right. To stop what the world thinks is right. All along I knew that it wasn’t me. What had I become?
So one day I decided to stop. Yeah, plainly just, TO STOP…
I suppose this is one question that has the most varied answers. Would you describe it as a tunnel of no light? Or work and worry? Or an endless rat race? I don’t know what your definition is but I know you can mumble something about life .
Am reading this book by Don Double and I thought it’s worth sharing. He lists 5 vital facts of Life. Let me take you through;
1. One Certainty
The only certain thing in our lives as living creatures is DEATH. Don talks of a young lady who got converted to Christianity alongside her mum but whose husband refused to believe. Out of curiosity, the husband one day attends a service where the preaching is about cats!!!
You all have heard that a cat has nine lives. And you definitely are aware that eventually the cat dies. The lady’s husband converted to Christianity because of this simple sermon. I know you might be asking yourself why the sermon touched him so much. Well, it’s because the guy realized he couldn’t keep on cheating death; he had been a soldier and was shot down twice but on both occasions didn’t die. He then decided to prepare for his death by believing in Christ.
2. One Necessity
The other vital thing is preparing ourselves for death and what lies beyond. The Bible in Hebews 9:27 talks of judgement after death. So it’s necessary for us as believers to be prepared to meet God.
3. One Way
There is only one way to prepare for death and that is accepting Jesus as our saviour. John 14: 6 says”No one comes to the Father except through me”.
4. One Time
Another vital fact of life is that the only time one can prepare for death is NOW. We are warned that procrastinating something is bad since eventually we might end up not doing what we’re meant to do .
Don talks of a woman who used to attend his sermons daily but was never a believer. After two years of attending the sermons, she finally acted and became a believer. On that day that she believed in Christ, she died in her sleep. During her funeral service, people were rejoicing at her being saved in the nick of time.
God’s time is always now.
2 Corinthians 6:2 talks of ” Behold, now is the accepted time,now is the day of salvation”.
5. One Place
The last fact of life is that the only place to prepare for death is at the CROSS of Christ. The way to get to the cross is through faith.
A story is told of a happy little family. One day, the parents quarreled and the dad walked away from his family. Mother and daughter missed him but couldn’t reach him since they didn’t know where he was. Time flew and the daughter became ill ; she only had a few days to live. The little girl’s wish was to see her dad. This forced the mum to make a SOS appeal on the radio.
When the dad appeared,the girl put her daddy’s hand in hers then took her mum’s hand and put it into her father’s hand hence reconciling the parents. Shortly after,the gir
This is a description of what Jesus did on the cross when He took the sin stained hand of a man and placed it in God’s loving hands hence reconciling man with God.
A few days ago, I had an argument with a good friend regarding the topic of happiness. I had posted on my WhatsApp status update that expecting people to make you happy when you can’t do it yourself is selfish.
So this friend went on to tell me, and I’ll quote his exact words. “Some people are not emotionally independent, some have even lived with that for ages, they rely on other people and things to make them happy, which normally is considered being a slave or selfish as you insinuate. I don’t think anyone makes a choice of not wanting to be happy, that egocentric nature requires others to create the happiness for you, however selfish. Besides, happiness is a fleeting emotion, peace is paramount.”
My response to it was simple; if you always depend on others for your happiness, what happens when these people are no longer there with you? However hard it may seem to accept, it’s worth noting that in our journey in this world not everyone will stay forever. It happens just like it does when you board a public service vehicle in town. Along the way, some passengers alight since they’ve reached their destinations while others board. No one , not even the driver or conductor has control of where their passengers alight.
I accept that indeed there are guys who struggle with self esteem and are always depending on others for almost everything. They need approval and validation for everything they do. They are always worried of doing that which is against the wishes of someone they think highly of.
I have always felt that people will treat you exactly how you treat yourself. If you disrespect yourself by always letting people walk over you that’s exactly what they’ll do to you. Imagine someone doing something deliberately to annoy you and saying they know you’ll do nothing about it.
Imagine tolerating that abusive relationship because society will stigmatize you for walking out. Imagine tolerating that rude boss because you are feeling stuck. So how many women have stayed in those abusive marriages for their families and ended up as corpses? Or how many people have sacrificed so much for someone else’s happiness at the expense of their own only for those they sacrificed for to turn their backs on them and tell them they didn’t deserve to sacrifice that much. In some case, not even a simple thank you will you hear.
Helping others is good. Making people smile around you is good. Getting those praises from others for your good deeds is super great. But doing all those when you don’t really want to is a NO. Doing that at the expense of your peace of mind and happiness should never be the case . Inasmuch as you care about others, create time for you too.
You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Create time for yourself too. Do that which sets your soul on fire regardless. When all is said and done, you matter.
Just like am choosing happiness, choose happiness as well.
So, I thought it wise that my readers should know a little bit more about me. Here is a short list.
1. Am a Leo queen😊, my birthday falls on 18 th August.
2. Have got two siblings, am the eldest child.
3. I trust my instincts so much.
4 . I have these two piercings at the very top of both my ears . They are natural. On quite a number of occasions, people have asked why I decided to have them there instead of at the bottom of the ear as is the norm.
5. I have what we refer to as bewitching gap( the small gap between the two top incisors)😂😅, it’s an asset am super proud of.
6. I prefer reading novels to watching movies.
7. Forget about food, I love drinks. I bet I can survive on drinks only😀.
8. I value friends so much. Am very loyal to them( this came from a friend)
9. I am a strong believer in serenity. Serenity to accept the things I can’t change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
10. I speak at least four languages fluently. These are English,French, Swahili( our national language) and Dholuo( my native language).
Here is a random picture of me.
My dad tells me there are things you know about yourself that others don’t know, there are things others know about you that you don’t know about yourself and obviously there are things you and others know about yourself. Find out what others know about you, you’ll be shocked 😂😂. Like I found out some of my friends think am never serious in life because I laugh and joke a lot.
I have heard so so many phrases in regard to beauty. Some claim beauty lies in the hands of the beholder, beauty is relative,beauty is skin deep and so forth. I don’t know that which you have heard but I definitely know you’ve got one.
Growing up, I didn’t really care much about beauty, not that I care right now but there is a societal expectation of beauty that just doesn’t seem right.
Most ladies and old women have turned to all sorts of artificial ways of enhancing their beauty. Talk of skin lightening, talk of boosting lips, hips and butts . Don’t forget to list here the cutting down of certain meals by women so as to get the flat tummies.
I don’t know where this ideology that women with a light complexion are the only beautiful ones came from. This isn’t to disregard those with a lighter complexion. I remember very clearly some time back last year when a student with a dark complexion was named as Miss Maseno University and all the keyboard warriors turned in large numbers to shame her ,to shame Maseno for choosing what they regarded as ugly and all sorts of negativity,some which I don’t want to write here.
These unrealistic expectations of beauty are driving women nuts. Can you imagine a women wearing contraptions all days to reduce their waists sizes? Or the ones walking all over with puffed bras to increase the volumes of their chests? Or the women walking around with hip boosters so as to be seen ? This list is endless.
Take note also that this affects relationships. I watched a Nigerian movie sometime last year of a lady who was solely putting much effort into her dressing so as to get a husband! After her plan succeeded, the husband started complaining of how reckless she had become of her dressing. To cut the long story short, they divorced.
Putting myself in the shoes of the husband, maybe I would have done the same thing. I mean how do you calmly accept that your curvy wife is now flat suddenly 😂? Or that she who had a full bosom before now has an almost flat chest like yours?
Can you men please learn to look past the outer beauty? Allow the ladies to proudly show off their packages however small they may seem to you. I know some of us may be flat like the rulers engineering students carry around in campus but our brains be so full of wisdom that maybe you can’t handle.
To the ladies, let’s accept our selves more. You are you and that’s your greatest power.
Previously, I had posted on episode one of Nairobi Diaries. This here is a continuation.
I remember that period as if it were yesterday. It was a cold Friday in June last year. Both primary and secondary school students were on half term and being in Nairobi at the time, my sister had also decided to stay in Nairobi and not go home. The week she was with me was uneventful save for her occasional getting lost when trying to find her way back to the house.
So, hours have turned to days and days to weeks and soon enough half term is over. Students should go back to school and so my mum sends me cash to do shopping for my sister as she prepares to get back to school. After work on that Friday, I board a matatu from Rongai to town. If you think I made it to town that easily you are wrong. Am still new in the city and we are made to alight at Nyayo. The matatu owners say they can’t reach town since business is at its peak for vehicles plying Rongai -town. They decide to go back to Rongai after each of us has been given Kshs 20 to use as fare from Nyayo to town. I can’t tell you how much I cursed those guys.
Luckily, I get a matatu and reach town shortly after. I decide to shop at Tuskys then later on board another matatu from town to Eastleigh. This is where the drama begins my dear readers. Normally, I had sworn to always use buses but on this day,am feeling tired and worked up so I decide to jump on the first vehicle I see.
Nairobi isn’t Nairobi without traffic. We move a little bit and are then held up in traffic. Am at the very back of the vehicle and on the seat near the window which is also unusual of me. On my laps,there is my handbag and the shopping bag . As we are still in traffic, boredom strikes in. Am tempted to remove my phone and scroll through it a bit but reason against it because am in town. If you know what I mean you know.
Seconds or minutes later, I hear the window beside me being opened from outside. At first, I don’t think of it as a danger until I see the guy who had opened the window try to snatch my handbag. I can’t let this happen to me. My bag contains almost everything I own . He is pulling from outside while I do so from the inside. He overpowers me but since the window wasn’t fully opened, the bag hits the window and falls down.
Acting on instincts, the man runs away without picking even a single thing. Acting on instincts,I climb down from the matatu window leaving behind the shopping I had. I have to pick up my things Yes!!! You read that right!!! A girl has to do what a girl has to do. Traffic eases but the driver of the matatu I had boarded waits patiently till I pick up everything. People from other vehicles nearby tell me of how lucky I am and I honestly couldn’t agree more. I board back the matatu and feel so traumatized that maybe the conductor senses it. He doesn’t ask for fare so I reach my destination free of charge.
After these incidents, I make vows that I intend to stick to as long as am in Nairobi.
1. I decide never to board a matatu whatever the case. I will use the small buses only .
2. I vow never to sit near the window in any vehicle.
3. I decide to be more sportive. I have do exercise a lot. Unfortunately, I haven’t kept this vow.
What was your experience in a new city? Leave your comment in the comment section.
The emergence of technology years back brought with it the good and the bad. Social media has made life much easier since we all can connect with anyone,anywhere and anytime. Am grateful for this much but social media has so much corrupted us. Don’t get me wrong, allow me to explain myself.
On a Friday morning while am at home ,we all wake up ready to face the day. My sister is upbeat ,but only until she logs into her WhatsApp. The subject and icon in her class group has been changed to R.I.P. Cathy. I can already feel tension in the house. It is alleged that Cathy died after an accident the day before. The message has come from Cathy’s number and it is said the post was uploaded by her sister. Everyone in her group tries to call Cathy’s,her sister’s and her mother’s phone numbers but they aren’t on. A day later, Cathy texts saying it was her neighbour who posted that stuff since she had vowed not to be online for a while. I tell myself that their joke is a very very bad one.
Those who have stayed with me in recent past can attest that am an I don’t care when it comes to so much. I will quickly put on something and when am told that doesn’t match, I throw back a comment saying am not looking for a husband ( sitafuti bwana😂). It’s worth noting though, that the version of me that doesn’t care about that ,cares about how I appear on social media. Before I pose for that shoot, I consider so many things; how is my dress, how are my shoes, how is my hair and how is the camera am about to use. Even before posting one of the pics on my social media account, I’ll cross check all the pics and might even ask for someone else’s opinion on which pic is the best.
Whenever we scroll on social media,we see lots of success stories from trips abroad to blah blah blah. Infact, scrolling through some accounts isn’t for the faint hearted. You’ll feel like fainting over and over wondering maybe why you aren’t that successful. Don’t be fooled, some of these people are faking almost everything. People have used their accounts to shame others hence giving some people the pressure to out do their fellows .
Sometime back when I was reading Gabrielle Union’s book We’re Going to Need More Wine,I learnt that despite the fact that we don’t want to face it, social media wrecks lives. Union says , people will throw mean comments at you through social media accounts . The irony of it all is that some of them can’t tell you such things if given a chance to do so in real life. Infact, most of them don’t use their real names and photos.
When all is said and done, the question and challenge still remains with us. What are you using that account for? I know of people using their accounts to positively impact on lives and those using their accounts to earn a living. Maybe it’s time we all evaluate what impact we’re making with our accounts.
Last week I was reading the novel We’re going to need more wine by Gabrielle Union. Throughout the book, I loved how honest she is about what happened to her and who she is . I will briefly talk about the last chapter of her book where she narrates her experiences as a friend to two siblings.
The elder child was a classmate of Union and they hooked up after the boy offered to be Union’s friend in order to keep her updated on classwork in case she misses any classes. As for the guy’s sister, Union and her just struck a relationship since she was already close to the older child.
Union narrates how she always kept bothering the guy with her issues. How she always thought she was defending her friend when in real sense it was herself she was hiding from. She talks of a time when she ran into the guy’s sister in town ,learnt she had cancer at stage 3 or 4 and ignored thinking that treating cancer at that stage was something her fame and money could do. She narrates how despite being friends with the older sibling for so so long, she didn’t even know he was gay until one time they were in some party and the boy was forced by their other friends to tell Union about who he was.
To say the least, Union felt embarrassed,she felt she had failed as a friend because not even for once had she ever asked her friend about what was bothering him and so forth. Later on when the guy’s sister was so bedridden,Union was called to see her . However,she first chose to go and clear her name from some accusations that were being labelled against her. This ,she says is something she regrets so much and decided that she had to make up for her mistakes by doing what her friend wished for in a bid to change the world and make it more comfortable.
Union’s story got me thinking whether have really been a good friend to my friends. More often than not, we tend to ignore so much about what happens to our friends. At times,we only reach out to them when we need their help. Sometimes,we don’t even reach out and give them a shoulder to lean on when they need it most.
How sad is it that at times some of those we call friends can’t reach out to us because they feel we aren’t going to listen or help. At times,we ourselves complain of so and so being such a mean friend without looking at our inner selves to see of we too have been trustworthy enough to them as friends. At times,we talk of cutting off people from our lives because we feel they aren’t worthy enough to be with us yet we might be the cause of everything and be too proud to realize we are toxic.
Maybe, it’s time we tried to be to others the friends we want for ourselves. The world will be much better if we pull each other up and not down. It will be better if we don’t tear away people because we aren’t happy with ourselves.
Reach me through email at firstname.lastname@example.org incase you would like a copy of Union’s book.